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HAPPILY SINGLE

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Being single is not a curse. It most definitely does not mean something is wrong with you. Choose to be happily single and be comfortable with yourself. Stay away from unhappy relationships. When you’re happily single you have so much time for yourself. You enjoy your company and that of the good people around you. Your hair grows and your skin glowsss. It also means you have time to focus on making money and enjoy the many chances of finding a significant other. Being unhappy in a relationship however, is like having a dark cloud hang over your head 24/7. If you’ve been there you know exactly what I mean.

 We’re half way through 2017 and love is still one of the most confusing things for people. There are a million articles about how to find real love. There are a million YouTube channels dedicated to this thing called love. Do not get me started about the movies and series making money by feeding people with slightly unrealistic things that represent love. 


I regularly see people make mistakes in relationships that seem so obviously avoidable to me. I always wonder how come most people do not know the most basic things about relationship, for instance, how important communication is. People will play the “silent game” in relationships magically expecting their partners to know how they offended them (why won’t you just open your mouth and tell him or her what is wrong?!). 

I would say I’m lucky because I grew up with my mother constantly telling me what is right or wrong in a relationship. The moment she had a girl she was determined to not have a “mumu” for a daughter (Lol that’s my only explanation for how she always pulled me aside and used marriages of people to explain what’s right and wrong!). I could actually write a fantastic book on love and relationships. I’m that friend who always has great advice for friends most of the time (and yes I follow my advice most of the time). 

Most of the things I know seem like very very basic things. And it always surprises me when people do not, or act like they do not, know these things. For instance, you should date someone you have been friends with for a while. I cannot overemphasize how important it is for you to be very good friends before you become lovers. Or how if a guy does not call you he is not as interested as you think (ladies please let’s stop throwing yourselves at guys who do not reciprocate). Or, the one that surprises me the most, thinking your love can change someone from who they are to who you wish they were. 

I’m going to choose to believe that people know these basic things about relationships but the heart has a way of clouding ones thinking. The number of one-sided and unhealthy relationships around me is alarming. And something needs to change. If your partner does not make you happy, that is an obvious sign to get out. Stop trying to fix something that is making you unhappy most of the time.

Life is too short and stressful to be with someone who won’t kill you with happiness. Don’t let God shake his head and wonder why he’s bothering to give you signs to get out of that unhealthy situation. 

We have to be selfish with our happiness. Don’t let someone else take away your sunshine. Don’t let anyone play god in your life. No one should have power over you. They are mere humans like you.

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HONEY FACE MASK EPIC FAIL!

If you Google Honey, you would see enough information about the benefits of honey. Organicfacts.net will give you the story of how honey has been used by many cultures around the world and nine of its benefits. That’s all well and good. However, not enough of these blogs, magazines and information in general tell us about the possible side effects of honey and what not to do.

I did a little experiment. It was supposed to be for a month but it had to be reduced to a week. My good people of the internet generation, not everything you see online is for you. Not every information seen online will work for you. I am a firm believer of trying something after seeing many positive reviews but i have learnt a lesson. If you’ve read my Gifts of Nature post you would know I have a strong faith in natural things like Shea butter, olive oil, eggs and so on. So this came as a shock.

So i bought a bottle of Apple Cider Vinegar and a jar of pure honey. I intended to try them on my face and on my hair and see if they really work wonders. The way bloggers and YouTubers go on about these two things you would think they’ve replaced the holy Coconut Oil that can fix all your problems.

I gave the Apple Cider Vinegar to one of my best friends to use as a facial scrub for a month. We took ‘before’ pictures so we can compare with ‘after’ pictures to see if it would help her breakouts. Her review and experience would be posted here when the time comes. 

I used the honey alone for a week now. It was an epic fail. I don’t fully understand wrong but I had ‘heat rash’ all over my face and two big pimples. It was just one week. I was really stressed.

I could not stop wondering if the honey wasn’t pure enough or if my face is not prim enough for honey. All I know is I have never had painful and itchy pimples in my life and my pimples usually leave within a week. 

In all honesty, I have a clue to what went wrong. The honey I bought was not raw honey. The manufacturers swore it was pure honey. I later read somewhere that there is a difference between ‘pure honey’ and ‘raw honey’. Just my luck that i learnt that after my unfortunate week. 

Please do not fall into the trap and don’t fall for the hype. Use only the raw products when experimenting on your face. Don’t fall for those “pure” “100%” “refined” products. The question now is, where does one find raw honey?

CHECK OUT – how do differentiate between real and filtered honey

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No one knows what they’re doing!

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Do you ever worry that maybe you are not enough? Do you feel you are not doing enough? Do your mates seem like they are getting their lives together and you’re still in the same place? Do you frequently calm your nerves and tell yourself “I can do this” before taking up a ‘simple’ task?

You’re not alone.
Most of us have no idea what we’re doing but we push through. We push because we have no other choice. Our parents want us to be successful and we really want to be successful.

We push through because we have a goal in mind and sitting down would not bring the mountain to us. The smallest step is important because it gets us closer to our goal than we were.

We push through because every other person seems to be getting their lives together and we do not want to be left behind. We want to be able to sit with our heads held high at a table with friends in future.

We push through because pushing through and getting things done is a movement. It has become a norm for people to want more and do better. It has become a way of life. Everyone wants to move forward.

We don’t know exactly what we’re doing or how we’re going to get to our goal. We don’t know if all our hard work would even pay off at the end. We’re not exactly sure how near our goal is. But we push through either. So you should too.

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Vintage Boyfriend

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I have a love affair with anything considered “too old” by people in my generation. My love for anything “too old” can be particularly seen in my taste in music and movies. Being a cynical romantic, old love songs and romance movies tingle my fancy. Naturally, I crave a love like the ones I’ve watched in Gone with the Wind and The Notebook. I yearn for a permanent version of the feeling Frank Sinatra and Nate King cole songs give me. But can that kind of love exist in the 2010s?

The male leads in my favorite “old”  movies and the men who sang my favorite “old” love songs came from a time where chivalry was a norm. The men were gentlemanly and the women were proper ladies. They came from a time where when something was broken, they fixed it. Love was nothing to be shy of and marriage was of the utmost importance. Double dating was a bigger sin and having ‘sidechicks’ or ‘sideniggas’ was not glorified.

The men were brought up to treat women well and certain behaviors towards women was unseemly. Things like opening doors for ladies and offering a coat to a shivering lady (although the men could do this thanks to the other layers of clothing they usually had on!) were no big deal. Being a proper gentleman was a societal norm and not a questionable thing. Why are these things such a big deal now?

I have no answers to my questions but I would say this. Vintage men are suited for vintage women. Their time has gone but I do believe we have our 21st century versions of the “old” gentlemen. We just have to bid our time and wait and see.

 

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What do I need to succeed?


Good morning to my bright readers and followers. I hope you had a productive weekend unlike me. Well, it was sort of productive in its own way. I slept and read about blogging all weekend (mostly slept to be honest). 

During this past weekend I also carried out a brief survey. The over 200 people involved know themselves (hey Whatsapp family). I asked people what they think is the most important ingredient for success. Perseverance and consistency for the win although my favorite answers were grit and self awareness. Many of the people involved in the survey also explained why they gave their answers.

If you’re like me, then a day doesn’t go by without you thinking of success, happiness, fulfillment and of course, money. Growing older, however,  has made me realize that the word ‘success’ means different things to different people. For some people money is success and for others fame is success. 

The best answer I got from the survey is that there is no ‘most important ingredient’ for success. It is a bunch of things that makes a person to be successful. God + passion + hard work = success. Hard work is an umbrella for perseverance, consistency and grit. 

I pray God helps us all to know our passion and acknowledges our hard work so as to be successful in life. Amen. 

Rant

For the heart of man is desperately wicked. 

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Genesis  6:5  And God saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.

I’m marvelled. I’m scared. We’ve had the Holocaust, Slavery, World War One and Two, the era of Witch Killings (public burning) and many more. To bring it home, we’ve had the Biafra War, killing of twins, selling of our own people to white men in exchange for ‘riches’or some type of wealth. But it seems we humans are not tired. We are not tired at all. We really want to destroy each other and this world we live in. 

“Why do I say we are not tired?” you might ask. Well, we’ve got people who find ways to defend rape, racism and all types of oppression. There are people who defend the most horrific acts which should not be mentioned in public. The most horrible people, because of money or power they have, are never reprimanded. 

I am pretty sure the end of the world is very near. Who knows? Our generation might never reach old age. Our generation might actually experience the rapture. Why? Because I do not know how much longer we humans can hold on if we have countries like Russia embarking on Chemical Attacks. Yes. A Chemical attack on Syria

All I can say is it is well. But I am very worried and you should be too. 

Inspiration · Motivation

DON’T BE A LOSER. PLEASE.

DON’T BE A LOSER. PLEASE.

This is 2017. It is the year of making money. This is the year of ‘grabbing your dreams by the nuts’ as my good friend Ezim Osai would say. This is the year of knowing you can be so much more than community, friends and family say you should be. This is the year when our age group [late teens and early 20s] is realizing that you can actually, really start working towards your goals. This is the year when teenagers and young people become successful through the most innovative and different ideas. Don’t be left out.

Aim to be successful. Aim to be more than you are right now. Strive for excellence and the absolute best. Develop yourself daily. Get new hobbies. Learn to swim, play tennis and even dance. It is never too late to refresh yourself.

The human capacity is limitless as long as you’re ready to break boundaries. Very few people are born into families and situations that do not restrict their thinking and their abilities. When you are not lucky enough to be born into such, it is your duty to break out.

Fear is the number one cause of failure. Fear paralyzes. Learn to say “f**k it” and JUST DO IT. Just go ahead and do that thing you have always been thinking about doing. Just get up and do that one thing you have been wishing you could do. What’s the worst that could happen?

Feminism

I MAY NOT COOK FOR MY HUSBAND. HERE’S WHY

The traditional image of a wife. Source: Google Images

APART from the obvious fact that cooking is a basic survival skill, I find it hard to visualize myself running around to cater to a man. My idea of a relationship between a man and woman is very simple. I give 100%, you give 100%. No 50%-50% or 40%-60%. 

I have a problem with the mentality that the woman is the cook in the relationship. I find it unfair to designate the cooking only to the woman in this 21st century where women have careers and also provide for the home alongside the man. 

Team work in a relationship is what should be the norm. We pay for the bills and we care for the home. That is what I want anyway. If you say there’s already teamwork where the man is in charge of paying for everything and the woman cares for everything, what happens when the man is not buoyant enough to pay for everything? Or the woman is ill or unavailable? What happens then?

A man who is used to a woman taking care of him, as if she doesn’t have her children and herself to care for already, and cannot care for himself when she is not around is no different that a young child. ‘Caring’ here includes making a decent meal, cleaning up after himself and keeping his surrounding clean and tidy. 

The only justification for the woman being the cook in the relationship is tradition. Tradition does not mean right. We all know this. Besides, most of our ancestors were close minded as they did not have a lot to challenge and question the way they did things.

I will cook for my husband not because he is expecting me to (like coming home from work,meeting no food and still waiting for me) but because I want to. And times when I cannot do so, he will do the cooking. 

Cooking alone cannot make you a good wife. Source: Google Images

Food can be cooked by anyone. So why choose a woman based on whether she can cook or not? It sounds like a way of setting yourself up for trouble. The way weight is put on cooking you would think that is all a wife is there for. People that think this way underestimate the effect of what having a spouse with wonderful attributes, such as kindness, can do in a person’s life.

You may disagree or agree with me but the only person that really cares about one’s opinion on such matters is the person they are in a relationship with. 

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SIMPLE HAIR ROUTINE 

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Happy new year!! I’m always going AWOL🙈. I’m grateful to God particularly because i made 2016 with all of my family and friends. I hope you’re also grateful about entering the new year. This year would mark my third year as a naturalista:). I took time to reflect on when my hair was such a struggle for me during my first year as a Naturalle. I learnt the hard way not to be deceive by the ‘fleek’ pictures of bomb naturals.

My biggest issue as a Rookie Naturalista was definitely getting frustrated quickly. It is very normal to feel overwhelmed with the unending information on how to care for your hair. There are a million blogs and YouTube videos that can make you feel frustrated especially when your hair doesn’t seem to come out the way you would have loved. I have a few words of advice that I found out the hard way.

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1.) The first thing to remember is that no two people have the same hair. There are different hair textures and we have different hair genes. When searching for YouTube videos, save yourself the stress and just watch the videos of YouTubers with your hair type. If you don’t know your hair type then you should research on hair type charts to know the category you fall under.

2.) The next thing to remember is that most of the YouTubers you watch are hair pros who have been natural for a longer time than you have. Meaning, you would eventually get the hang of it.

3.) The third thing is to know what works for you. This might take a while but looking at your pocket(financial stability) might help you not go after every oil, hair cream and butter the Internet mentions. During the first few months or years of being a naturalista you would most likely be a product junkie so try to buy according to your pocket( biko ).

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4.) The simplest hair routine, in my opinion, is the LOC method. Liquid Oil Conditioner. Products under Liquid include water or water-based products. Products under Oil include olive oil, coconut oil, almond oil and so on. Conditioner is to lock in the moisture and products here include and hair cream or batter made for moisturizing or just sheabutter. To make life easier for you, get a spray bottle. Pour a good deal of water, any oil of your choice and sheabutter(I recommend sheabutter), shake and everything would mix. Spray this every morning on your hair and you’re good to go.
DO NOT LET YOUR HAIR BE DRY. For hair like ours dryness is big no. When your hair dries it breaks easily and you don’t want your hair to break trust me.

5.) Combing your hair is another ball game. Do not comb your hair while it is dry. It would cut. Spray your LOC on your hair and comb gently. You start from the tip of your hair and work your way down. Many salons hurt people because they don’t know that this is the proper way to comb natural hair #naturalhairstruggles😒😒

All in all my best advice is to find out what oil and products work for you. Also find out the most convenient methods of caring for your hair and styling it. Not all the methods and ideas and products out there work for everyone’s hair.

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Top view of my dyed natural hair:)

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NATURAL HAIR REVOLUTION 

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There’s a popular saying: “If you can’t beat them, join them”

This saying exactly describes how black females becoming Naturalistas became a world wide thing. The level of ‘hate’ natural hair gets has significantly reduced. In a group of 10 black women about 5 of them are or at least claim to have Natural hair

What is Natural Hair?

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The term ‘natural hair’ refers to the hair of a black African or black American (generally a black person). This hair has zero chemicals that change its texture meaning Natural hair is the hair you were born with. Natural hair in the past was seen as tough, unattractive, hard to maintain and completely irrelevant. It is still seen as tough in present days but the Natural hair Revolution has shown that our hair can be managed, styled and enjoyed. I really can’t trace exactly where the hair of black people started being looked down on but it most likely started when Slavery was a thing (that’s where everything black and African started being seen as less that the rest of the world anyway). Then during the Segregation of black and white people in the US. When that was over, the African heritage was too far gone which left black people with no choice but to blend(or at least try) with white people. This is gradually reducing as many black people and organizations have encouraged staying strong to their black roots and sticking to the differences we have from white people. One of this differences is our hair. The hair we were born with before we started trying to straighten, relax and remove the kinks and curls and fix weaves.

People are gradually understanding that our forefathers(or mothers) who rocked their own hair knew what they were doing and I doubt they ever thought their hair as ‘hard’. They knew how to maintain and rock their hair because it what they had and knew but the production of relaxers and hot iron/comb and weaves have made us look down on our own hair.

Natural Hair Revolution has shown black women around the world that you can manage and enjoy your own hair. Many people wrinkled their noses at the thought of actually having to go natural but give them a few months and they start asking you how you styled your hair and if you can show them.
For people who still choose to relax their hair, this Natural Hair Revolution has taught them that they can have healthy hair. We have non-naturalistas doing the hot oil treatment, being careful with heat and using natural products on their hair. I especially love the ladies who relax their hair once in a blue moon or just twice a year. They know what relaxers do to the hair and their conscious of it.

Natural hair isn’t going anywhere in fact, this is just the beginning.